Then I ask how they would describe someone who only rarely desires sex, or a couple where one partner wants sex twice a week and the other once a month. Is one person closer to "normal" than the other? How would they, as sex therapists, go about helping this couple achieve sexual harmony? Which person is under more pressure to change? Despite the standard answer from therapists that this couple suffers from mismatched libidos and that both people are "normal", the pressure in therapy is most commonly on the person with the lower sex drive to pick up the pace.There is no doubt that sex therapy began in the 1970s with very honourable intentions. If one-in-three women believes she is not as interested in sex as she should be, and one-in-four men doesn't last as long as he thinks he should, which of the following is more likely: that we have a major epidemic on our hands? Or that many in this self-selected group aren't dysfunctional but are either variations on the norm or comparing themselves unrealistically with an ideal?Perhaps if the new, hot and happening representation of sex in general and women in particular had been confined to the domain of fiction, the erotic-movie version of sexuality would have remained a fantasy. Among women, 33 per cent complained of low sexual desire, 24 per cent reported an inability to come to orgasm, and 14 per cent stated that they experienced pain during sex.
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For men, the most frequently reported problem was premature ejaculation, accounting for 28 per cent of complaints, while 15 per cent rated themselves as lacking interest in sex, and 10 per cent said they had problems attaining or maintaining an erection.Some researchers have criticised this study because the problems were identified by self-rating rather than clinical evaluation, but it is precisely this aspect of the survey that intrigues me. Women worry about why they take so long to become aroused, men are concerned that they can't last long enough. For all this variety, the largest number of people seeking sex therapy are women who rarely feel any need or desire for sex. Sex researchers in the last decade have found that anywhere between one-in-five to one-in-three women complain of lack of interest in sex at some stage in their lives; for some, low libido is lifelong.Often, women begin to outline their problem by stating, "There must be something wrong with me - I never feel like sex." It's the phrase "something wrong with me" that has caught my attention over the years. As the women cry in their distress, they reveal their fears that they must be deeply flawed in some way for not having the hot and urgent sex drive that they believe everyone is supposed to have.In a recent survey in the US, 43 per cent of women and 31 per cent of men identified themselves as having one or more sexual problems. The development of the mass media has meant that scenes of erotic, passionate sex are now a feature of everyday life. But if women are now more liberated sexually, why are so many women unhappy with their sexuality?The problems that people bring to a sex therapist are varied.
Think of any sex scene in the movies - how does the woman play her role? Almost invariably, she is hot for sex, easily aroused, passionate, satisfyingly orgasmic. Over the last three decades, this concept of the enthusiastically sexual female has replaced the more traditional view of the demure woman who has to be seduced rather than admit openly to sexual desires. Society's view of female sexuality has changed and women now have the right to desire and enjoy sex as much as men. Often, the woman is the seductress, the initiator, sometimes even predatory. Murray is joined by another Briton, the unseeded Andy Kennaugh, who defeated the Russian Valery Rudnev, 6-2, 7-6..
